Monthly Archives: April 2013

Honey Bee

kuldmedalToday I made pancakes for breakfast.

Tidied up the kitchen.

Went to a yoga class.

Cleaned our toilet, using just vinegar, lemon and baking soda.

Made risotto for dinner.

Depilated my legs.

Cleaned the kitchen AGAIN.

Changed bed-linen.

And made a gold medal to my boyfriend for me to give, when he comes home from work tomorrow, because I AM FUCKING AWSOME !!



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Golden Rule

Went to mysore today. Haven´t been on a mat 2-3 weeks (with couple of exceptions).

I really suck at Ashtanga. I´m like a train wreck on a mat. A pile of wobbly meat. I FALL OVER! I WHIMPER! I am all fun and fucking games! I can read, how everybody is in love with Ashtanga. Well, go to hell everybody! It is so much work. So much patience. So much focus. So much humility. It´s a challenge of my life.

Got into a quarrel with my teacher today. I was going into a Prasarita Padottanasana C, when I saw him targeting me across the room. CAN´T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!?
Prasarita Padottanasana C

He: relax, breathe, relax, let it go, breathe, relax.


He: breathe deeply, just relax, let it go

Me: I don´t know how


He: We´re staying here until you relax, even it it´s going to be your last pose today.


It´s really tough for me. I almost want to cry. Haven´t he heard about the Golden Rule?! When it´s difficult for you – give up! No, it doesn´t sound good. When it´s difficult – quit! OR!! When it´s difficult – just let it go (thank you, mr Yogateacher)!

It would be awful, if you´d learn something! OMG, it would be awful, if you´d learn something about yourself! I would rather die! Well, now I want to cry again.

Sometimes I feel like there´s a wall between me and Ashtanga and I just keep SMASHING into it. I think, if I could slow down a little, I´d slide right through, but I´m a BRING IT OOON! kind of girl, so I have no idea how to do it.  Jesus Christ, now i want to cry AGAIN!


PS. I made up a new word during my practice: kirofucktor. And I am not going to apologize.

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DIY Saturday

DerbyOnce upon a time in Tartu me and mrs Jones were having a DIY Saturday. It´s my second favorite kind of saturday after Slouch Around And Eat All Day Saturday.

We know, that A=2πr and that makes me a little sad. Nevertheless, it´s good to know, how much wire mesh to buy.

Mrs Jones: when diameter is 1m…

Me: one meter?! are you out of your mind?! when radius is 1m it´s going to be HUGE!

Mrs Jones: well, in that case, it´s rather good, that I was talking about diameter.

I booted up my good old friend mr calculator – you don´t want to hurt your head with higher mathematics.

Mr Calculator: 0,5*3,14*2=0

Mrs Jones´s expression: ZERO ?!

My expression: that´s just weird, man.

Mr Calculator: 0,5*3,14*2=3,14

Mrs Jones: is this a JOKE?!

Me: this is NOT possible!

Well it is possible. It is obvious even.

We desperately need a live audience, because otherwise it´s just a waste of good humiliation.

Hahaha. THERE´S NO WIRE MESH IN ANY HARDWARE STORE! Tough luck, sisters. Slouch Around All Day Saturday it is!


PS. I wanted to add a picture of me slouching around and eating all day, but then i noticed this little fucker on the floor, that had to be cut out of my hair yesterday (don´t you ever underestimate it´s tiny evil wheels). I would NEVER miss a chance to photoshop some bullet holes!



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Oat Flour

Oat FlourI bought a kilo of oat flour on monday?! I still haven´t figured out, what to do with it.  So. To stop my mindless spending for good, I´ve decided to kill myself, if I haven´t used it by the end of the week. It`s thursday. Can you hear a clock ticking?

PS. Yes. There are bullet holes in the oat flour. Spent three days and three nights photoshopping. I am very proud. And I need a drink.

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Ride of Shame

I work on the ninth floor in a house full of assholes, with whom I do my best to avoid any contact whatsoever – including the lift rides.

I wait patiently in the shadows as people get in and then I`ll make my move. I pretend to be just a tad late, so I could unfortunately call for the next one. I even do my “damn it !” expression. But.

Sometimes I hit the button half a second too soon and the doors, that were almost closed, jump open again. I just stand there, shock written all over my face, lift full of people staring at me and.



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Top 10 reasons to skip your 6.30 AM mysore class.


I`ve polished these quite some time now. Hope they`ll come in handy.


1. I didn`t sleep well. No, forget well. I didn`t sleep AT ALL !

2. I`m having my period. Even better: my period just started.

3. I fell and omg now I have a shoulder injury. (Needless to say, there´s no need for an actual injury, you just have to BELIEVE it!)

4. Those muscles need to rest!

5. Well, I can always take an evening class.

6. No one finds out.


8. Why bother, this day is doomed – I can feel it.

9. Just overdon`t once in your life, enough of overdoing !*

10. Can you hear it ?! I think it`s death coming.


*can only be used by Virgos (I`m sorry)


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I don`t want to go today

I am following couple of yoga-related blogs. People are like: “I`ve been working on my inversions” or “lately focusing more on my breath” – you can get the idea.


I am working really hard on getting on the damn mat.

Thank god, my mysore class starts at 6.30 AM, so I can get up at 5. I drag myself to the kitchen and sit for a while. Seemingly (e)motionless. Seemingly. Actually I`m feverishly making up reasons, why I shouldn`t go today (someday I´ll post my top ten, so you could try them too). It usually ends with an urge to stab myself in the eye with a fork (bitch, please!). Then I put my clothes on and go.

Haven`t missed a class.

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