Category Archives: On a crusade

Prizes for losers

Yes-yes, no big deal, I am taking up ashtanga again. I was hit by a truck, hence the 6-month gap in my practice. A lie. It was more like life.

We were thinking about buying a house. We selled our apartment. Moved. Were between homes. Bought a house. Moved again. Settled in. Journey of my life, I barely survived.

So. Here I am. New home. New environment. New life. Old me. Breathless, anxious, angry.

Back to ashtanga it is. Only medicine I know. Sadly. Fuck. Let me sleep, let me rest, let me be! Jesus. What is wrong with you!? Fortunately in ashtanga, there is no losers. At least not all the way through.  I lost my strength, my breath, flexibility, but not my set of mind. I can keep all the small lessons, that make every new start a little less painful. I have turned back to ashtanga so many times, that I´ve become an expert. It´s like this one weird IMPOSSIBLE computer game, where I got a badge for dying a thousand times. Not a lie.

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Neverland

A little while ago my 4 year old daughter invited me to a place, where´s “only peace, quiet and raspberries”. I of course thought, that she was full of shit (again!), but I am a fairly good mother, so had to go with her. I was right – there wasn´t only peace, quiet and raspberries, there was peace, quiet, raspberries and a squirrel. She was making stuff up again!

 

Nevereverland

 

It strikes me really odd and sad and weird and fucked up that allthough we all must know a place where´s only peace, quiet and raspberries (with an occasional squirrel), most of us choose to live our lives like this:

neveragainland

 

 

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Handsitting

Couple of days ago I took a tram to work or to some other god forbidden place. I was looking out the window thinking about my kick ass cool friends and other stuff that makes me really happy WHEN SUDDENLY.

SOMEONE

SAT

ON

MY

HAND?!

What kind of human fiend (my fingers just can´t type being, I apologize – not) sits on someone´s hand? And then PRETENDS that NOTHING HAPPENED!?
 

I am deeply disturbed. I am utterly confused. I am in rage. I am sad. I can´t sleep. I would like to say that I´ve lost my appetite, but that would be a lie. It was like losing my virginity all over again (I do apologize for this joke – I tried, but I couldn´t take it back).
 

I spent four days and four nights designing a new prohibition sign that could be glued next to the NO DOGS, NO ICE CREAM, NO SMOKING, NO DRINKING and other pointless signs that you can find in public transport.
 

Please, NO
 

Thanks to a friend (pope of photoshop), it turned out really beautiful. Noticed how I used hand of a baby on the sign, so it could be more outspoken and dramatic? I am a quiet genius.
 

 

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Easy, Breezy, Beautiful

Got a little drunk today at the office (we had some celebrating to do). My dear friends, alcohol feels GREAT ! I feel GREAT ! Everything feels just GREAT !

Me and family are going to a road trip for the weekend. Yesterday I was freaking out, because we had NO plan. Where the fuck are we going without a PLAN ?! To our deaths, that´s where !

Now I am walking towards le car and I am feeling FINE ! This planless trip is going to be the best thing that ever happened to us ! Bottoms up !

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6AM breakfast (not bad for a road trip without a plan)

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Chuck Norris of Asthanga Yoga

I am now a yoga student. Past 5 weeks I´ve practiced every day – almost without whinig (something new). I read from somewhere, that first month you are oh so paining, second you are oh so tired and third you are flyng.

I decided to give it a try,

Cause I want to fucking fly!

(I am a yoga student and a poet, thank you.)

  

Didn´t feel pain or soreness during the first month, so I was kind of assuming that this three-month-rule applies for babies and old people, I, of course, am Sparta, so straight to the flying part (WHOHOO!) !
 

Suddenly I feel OH-SO tired. I didn´t want to wake up today. At all.

     Please, let me sleep.

     No.

Already in my clothes.

     Let´s just lay down for a second.

     You can lay down for two minutes and that´s all.

     Maybe we should sleep in today.

     No.

     Let´s sleep for two hours, just today.

     NO. I know you, you sleep in today, you sleep in every day.

     Let´s go to an evening class.

     SO YOU COULD CURL UP IN YOUR OFFICE CHAIR AND SAY: “PLEASE, JUST LET ME GO
     HOOOOMEEEE.” ?!

  

I went to my morning class and it was so worth it.

 

PS. Chuck Norris is a vegan.
 

 

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In the Woods

I remember this one day, I was really-really young and sent to my grandma´s place for the summer, my dad coming up the hill, I running towards him crying and he crying too, because we hadn´t seen each other in weeks.

All I wish from this life is that everything would have stayed just like that.

So now what?

 

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Awesome Lobster And The Voracious Woman

vägev vähk ja täitmatu naineI was inspecting really intently a bookshelf at our yoga school. So very focused, when dealing with books, not focused at all, when dealing with ashtanga.

Mrs Yogateacher (The Voracious Woman): Are you looking for something in particular?
Me (Awesome Lobster): I´m thinking of ordering this book and I hoped, that I could steal a look.
Mrs Yogateacher (The Voracious Woman): Why´d you even want it?!
Me (Awesome Lobster): Still trying to figure out ujjay breathing and bandhas and stuff.
Mrs Yogateacher (The Voracious Woman): Just do your practice, honey.
OH GO TO HELL!
Mrs Yogateacher (The Voracious Woman): And here I am, learning how to forget all about the bandhas. Funny, how life is.
Me (Awesome Lobster): WHY would you do THAT?!
Mrs Yogateacher (The Voracious Woman): But I´m pregnant! I thought everyone could tell it by now?!

 

Well, all I could tell was that you were just fatter than I.
 

GODDAMNIT !
 

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Honey Bee

kuldmedalToday I made pancakes for breakfast.

Tidied up the kitchen.

Went to a yoga class.

Cleaned our toilet, using just vinegar, lemon and baking soda.

Made risotto for dinner.

Depilated my legs.

Cleaned the kitchen AGAIN.

Changed bed-linen.

And made a gold medal to my boyfriend for me to give, when he comes home from work tomorrow, because I AM FUCKING AWSOME !!

 

 

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Dragon Quest

Yes, there was a clock like this one on the wall

Yes, there was a clock like this one on the wall


Went to a dentist today (another crusade I started). Healthy teeth make me braver and god knows, I need to be brave in this world. 

My good doctor found the asshole that`s been hurting me and started poking it. JESUS CHRIST ?! 

“Wisdom tooth. It has to be pulled out.”
“Then pull it out.”
“I don`t do that, you have to go to…” 

WHAT THE HELL ?! YOU JUST WOKE A FUCKING DRAGON AND NOW YOU`RE SAYING, THAT YOU`RE NOT THE ONE SLAYING IT ?!? 

As your lawyer, I advise you to take back those words.

 

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