Category Archives: Wall of Shame

Handsitting

Couple of days ago I took a tram to work or to some other god forbidden place. I was looking out the window thinking about my kick ass cool friends and other stuff that makes me really happy WHEN SUDDENLY.

SOMEONE

SAT

ON

MY

HAND?!

What kind of human fiend (my fingers just can´t type being, I apologize – not) sits on someone´s hand? And then PRETENDS that NOTHING HAPPENED!?
 

I am deeply disturbed. I am utterly confused. I am in rage. I am sad. I can´t sleep. I would like to say that I´ve lost my appetite, but that would be a lie. It was like losing my virginity all over again (I do apologize for this joke – I tried, but I couldn´t take it back).
 

I spent four days and four nights designing a new prohibition sign that could be glued next to the NO DOGS, NO ICE CREAM, NO SMOKING, NO DRINKING and other pointless signs that you can find in public transport.
 

Please, NO
 

Thanks to a friend (pope of photoshop), it turned out really beautiful. Noticed how I used hand of a baby on the sign, so it could be more outspoken and dramatic? I am a quiet genius.
 

 

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Why I Love My Ridiculously Expensive Blender

this is not right
There are many reasons, so I narrow it down to the most important one:

                     It doesn´t ask questions.

It just stands there. Waiting. With it´s snubby come-on-put-some-stuff-in-I´ll-take-care-of-it attitude. And it always does take care of it. No. Matter. What.
 

But. On some rare occasions it really SHOULD ask questions. Like today. Please take a careful look at the picutre on the right. Are you thinking, what I´m thinking?
 

     Watermelon in a smoothie – are you sure?

     Watermelon in a smoothie – have you done this before?

     Watermelon in a smoothie – what about the seeds?

     Watermelon in a smoothie – did you forget to take your meds?
 

My ridiculously expensive blender didn´t have any questions. It just took care of it (like a good soldier). I was really pissed, because I had to drink two mugs of this shit. Bottoms up!
 

two t w o

 

PS. Watermelon seeds make the cutest sound when blending!

 

 

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In Watermelonsugar

What is wrong in this picture?

What is wrong in this picture?

I have enough money to buy a watermelon OR a pack of toiletpaper.

So.

It seems, that I´m going to steal some wipes from the office.

God help me.

 

PS. I know/hope, that it seems quite funny (set asaide, that stealing is just WRONG), but I have a serious problem.

 

 

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DIY Saturday

DerbyOnce upon a time in Tartu me and mrs Jones were having a DIY Saturday. It´s my second favorite kind of saturday after Slouch Around And Eat All Day Saturday.

We know, that A=2πr and that makes me a little sad. Nevertheless, it´s good to know, how much wire mesh to buy.

Mrs Jones: when diameter is 1m…

Me: one meter?! are you out of your mind?! when radius is 1m it´s going to be HUGE!

Mrs Jones: well, in that case, it´s rather good, that I was talking about diameter.

I booted up my good old friend mr calculator – you don´t want to hurt your head with higher mathematics.

Mr Calculator: 0,5*3,14*2=0

Mrs Jones´s expression: ZERO ?!

My expression: that´s just weird, man.

Mr Calculator: 0,5*3,14*2=3,14

Mrs Jones: is this a JOKE?!

Me: this is NOT possible!
 

Well it is possible. It is obvious even.

We desperately need a live audience, because otherwise it´s just a waste of good humiliation.
 

Hahaha. THERE´S NO WIRE MESH IN ANY HARDWARE STORE! Tough luck, sisters. Slouch Around All Day Saturday it is!

 

PS. I wanted to add a picture of me slouching around and eating all day, but then i noticed this little fucker on the floor, that had to be cut out of my hair yesterday (don´t you ever underestimate it´s tiny evil wheels). I would NEVER miss a chance to photoshop some bullet holes!

 

 

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Ride of Shame

I work on the ninth floor in a house full of assholes, with whom I do my best to avoid any contact whatsoever – including the lift rides.

I wait patiently in the shadows as people get in and then I`ll make my move. I pretend to be just a tad late, so I could unfortunately call for the next one. I even do my “damn it !” expression. But.

Sometimes I hit the button half a second too soon and the doors, that were almost closed, jump open again. I just stand there, shock written all over my face, lift full of people staring at me and.

FAIL !

 

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