Prizes for losers

Yes-yes, no big deal, I am taking up ashtanga again. I was hit by a truck, hence the 6-month gap in my practice. A lie. It was more like life.

We were thinking about buying a house. We selled our apartment. Moved. Were between homes. Bought a house. Moved again. Settled in. Journey of my life, I barely survived.

So. Here I am. New home. New environment. New life. Old me. Breathless, anxious, angry.

Back to ashtanga it is. Only medicine I know. Sadly. Fuck. Let me sleep, let me rest, let me be! Jesus. What is wrong with you!? Fortunately in ashtanga, there is no losers. At least not all the way through.  I lost my strength, my breath, flexibility, but not my set of mind. I can keep all the small lessons, that make every new start a little less painful. I have turned back to ashtanga so many times, that I´ve become an expert. It´s like this one weird IMPOSSIBLE computer game, where I got a badge for dying a thousand times. Not a lie.

Going Home

boxes full of life

Neverland

A little while ago my 4 year old daughter invited me to a place, where´s “only peace, quiet and raspberries”. I of course thought, that she was full of shit (again!), but I am a fairly good mother, so had to go with her. I was right – there wasn´t only peace, quiet and raspberries, there was peace, quiet, raspberries and a squirrel. She was making stuff up again!

 

 

It strikes me really odd and sad and weird and fucked up that allthough we all must know a place where´s only peace, quiet and raspberries (with an occasional squirrel), most of us choose to live our lives like this:

 

 

Quote of Yesterday

I am starting a new section in this blog. I would prefer not to do it, but unfortunately I am not deaf. So.

I not so proudly present – Quote of Yesterday !

 

“World has changed.

Children are not a blessing anymore.”

 

Thank you, Sister !
They. Are. Not.
God damn parasites !

 

 

Handsitting

Couple of days ago I took a tram to work or to some other god forbidden place. I was looking out the window thinking about my kick ass cool friends and other stuff that makes me really happy WHEN SUDDENLY.

SOMEONE

SAT

ON

MY

HAND?!

What kind of human fiend (my fingers just can´t type being, I apologize – not) sits on someone´s hand? And then PRETENDS that NOTHING HAPPENED!?
 

I am deeply disturbed. I am utterly confused. I am in rage. I am sad. I can´t sleep. I would like to say that I´ve lost my appetite, but that would be a lie. It was like losing my virginity all over again (I do apologize for this joke – I tried, but I couldn´t take it back).
 

I spent four days and four nights designing a new prohibition sign that could be glued next to the NO DOGS, NO ICE CREAM, NO SMOKING, NO DRINKING and other pointless signs that you can find in public transport.
 

 

Thanks to a friend (pope of photoshop), it turned out really beautiful. Noticed how I used hand of a baby on the sign, so it could be more outspoken and dramatic? I am a quiet genius.
 

 

Why I Love My Ridiculously Expensive Blender

There are many reasons, so I narrow it down to the most important one:

                     It doesn´t ask questions.

It just stands there. Waiting. With it´s snubby come-on-put-some-stuff-in-I´ll-take-care-of-it attitude. And it always does take care of it. No. Matter. What.
 

But. On some rare occasions it really SHOULD ask questions. Like today. Please take a careful look at the picutre on the right. Are you thinking, what I´m thinking?
 

     Watermelon in a smoothie – are you sure?

     Watermelon in a smoothie – have you done this before?

     Watermelon in a smoothie – what about the seeds?

     Watermelon in a smoothie – did you forget to take your meds?
 

My ridiculously expensive blender didn´t have any questions. It just took care of it (like a good soldier). I was really pissed, because I had to drink two mugs of this shit. Bottoms up!
 

 

PS. Watermelon seeds make the cutest sound when blending!

 

 

Backstabbing Mind

Out of the blue, I couldn´t get into padmasana anymore. What the hell!? That´s something I could do from the day one on the mat! My dear Mrs. Jones was kind enough to remind me, that back in the days of no yoga and yes alcohol, I was able to walk on my knees, WHILE IN Lotos pose. Thank you, sister!

 

After getting this priceless piece of information, I just HAD TO try it the next day – Ladies and Gentelmen, I now have bruised knees, but I´ve proven my point.
 

So what the fuck happened?
 

I could say yes-yes, when my oh-so-tired mind says NO!, my body listens. But really?! What about, when my oh-so-excited mind says, WALK ON HANDS! My body would just be like, bitch, please…
 

Or wouldn´t it?
 

IS THERE A BRAVE NEW WORLD OUT THERE SOMEWHERE?!
 

 

In Watermelonsugar

What is wrong in this picture?

I have enough money to buy a watermelon OR a pack of toiletpaper.

So.

It seems, that I´m going to steal some wipes from the office.

God help me.

 

PS. I know/hope, that it seems quite funny (set asaide, that stealing is just WRONG), but I have a serious problem.

 

 

Easy, Breezy, Beautiful

Got a little drunk today at the office (we had some celebrating to do). My dear friends, alcohol feels GREAT ! I feel GREAT ! Everything feels just GREAT !

Me and family are going to a road trip for the weekend. Yesterday I was freaking out, because we had NO plan. Where the fuck are we going without a PLAN ?! To our deaths, that´s where !

Now I am walking towards le car and I am feeling FINE ! This planless trip is going to be the best thing that ever happened to us ! Bottoms up !

6AM breakfast (not bad for a road trip without a plan)

Chuck Norris of Asthanga Yoga

I am now a yoga student. Past 5 weeks I´ve practiced every day – almost without whinig (something new). I read from somewhere, that first month you are oh so paining, second you are oh so tired and third you are flyng.

I decided to give it a try,

Cause I want to fucking fly!

(I am a yoga student and a poet, thank you.)

  

Didn´t feel pain or soreness during the first month, so I was kind of assuming that this three-month-rule applies for babies and old people, I, of course, am Sparta, so straight to the flying part (WHOHOO!) !
 

Suddenly I feel OH-SO tired. I didn´t want to wake up today. At all.

     Please, let me sleep.

     No.

Already in my clothes.

     Let´s just lay down for a second.

     You can lay down for two minutes and that´s all.

     Maybe we should sleep in today.

     No.

     Let´s sleep for two hours, just today.

     NO. I know you, you sleep in today, you sleep in every day.

     Let´s go to an evening class.

     SO YOU COULD CURL UP IN YOUR OFFICE CHAIR AND SAY: “PLEASE, JUST LET ME GO
     HOOOOMEEEE.” ?!

  

I went to my morning class and it was so worth it.

 

PS. Chuck Norris is a vegan.